I did enter us all in @barshens a few years ago, but never heard back
— Mr. Gannon (@PaulGannonShow) July 26, 2020
I apologize in advance as this bit of fantasy casting may go on a bit, but for the last few years there's been a group of collaborators whose work on YouTube, and on a podcast I've mentioned more than occasionally, has got me through some more trying times. I know it's a bit cliche but laughter is the best medicine and this lot never fails to elicit a chuckle or at least a smile out of me every time I go looking for their content. These are simply a bunch of fun entertaining people I'd love to see taking on the games of The Crystal Maze. Bickering, shouting at each other, and just being as entertaining and fun as I've always seen them. I'll be listing more than 5 names here but it's fantasy casting, my writing, my rules.
Octavius @octav1usking
Stuart Ashen @ashens
Tat connoisseur, eater of expired food and drink, and star of the crowdfunded movies "Ashens and the Quest for the Gamechild" and the upcoming sequel "Ashens and the Polybius Heist". Ashens has long been a staple of British YouTubing reviewing terrible tech, Poundland plunder, and just anything else crap he can pick up and talk about. Some may recognize him from the one-off Knightmare special made for YouTube alongside Emma Blackery and Dan & Phil, also featuring Isy Suttie and Treguard himself - Hugo Myatt. Ashens was one of the first YouTubers whose material I seriously started following and it was from his work that I ended up discovering the others I'd want teaming up with him on the show.
One is a radio producer who got trigger happy on Gamesmaster, the other is a DJ on Soho Radio who played Santa in the VW van advert last Christmas. Paul is the premier source of 'Ghostbusters' knowledge, likewise Eli and noodles. Together they do the weekly podcast 'Cheapshow' and it's always one of the highlights of my Fridays. There are 3 or 4 podcasts pop up in my subscriptions on Fridays and Cheapshow is always my priority because of its track record of getting me to literally laugh out loud. Whether they're sharing horrific stories from listeners working lives (the words Necrotic Leg Hole come to mind) or guessing the prices of quality items bought from charity shops, Cheapshow never fails to be a comedy highlight of my week. Plus with the Nickelodeon version established, at least we can be sure there'll be child-size boiler suits for Eli.
Paul Rose a.k.a Mr. Biffo @mrbiffo
For people of a certain age, Digitiser will be a name some associate with their daily trawl through the pages of Teletext in the 90s. Now, the bloke behind Digitiser, Paul Rose, keeps the name alive with a mixture of surreal clips in the form of Mr. Biffo's Found Footage, the crowd-funded series 'Digitiser: The Show', and his content made with the aforementioned Paul Gannon that's seen them ignite themselves, blow themselves up, and reveal mild shower soiling. Mr. Biffo is also a writer who's been involved in shows such as My Parents Are Aliens, Dani's House, and The Worst Witch, as well as being the bloke who wrote 'Pudsey: The Movie', a theatrical vehicle for the 'Britain's Got Talent' winning dancing dog. Say what you want about it, it might have a 0% on Rotten Tomatoes but it made a profit.
Larry Bundy Jr @LarryBundyJr
Like Gannon, Larry has a past with TV gaming shows. Unlike Paul, Larry did well. (Sorry Paul). First taking part in Head to Head with Violet Berlin and winning a mountain bike. Then appearing on Gamesworld hosted by Andy Collins, who some may remember from gunge filled children's game show Pump It Up, Family Fortunes and recently was seen on Ant and Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway where he's the warm-up for the audience. On Gamesworld, he eliminated several other contestants across his week but lost out in the final. He was a regular panelist on Digitiser: The Show, seriously seemed to suffer from sniffing Sonic's rings and kept on going back in for another huff. All I can say to that is he's either a masochist or determined to martyr himself for entertainment. Plus, in a world of content that starts off with "10 Facts You Didn't Know About Somethingorother", Larry os a rarity in that he really does produce videos with facts I actually didn't know beforehand.
A keen gamer, streamer, YouTube content creator, rat owner and writer. Octavius, like Larry and Paul G, is a regular panellist on Digitiser the Show. Also, judging by their own videos on YouTube, very much a fan of older computers, games and the occasional tat such as terrible LCD games. They often come across as the sensible one on Digitiser having to deal with a pack of misbehaving kids so a natural choice for Captain, and would probably have to be the one having to pull Gannon and Eli apart when another disagreement kicks off.
Barry Lewis @mrbarrylewis
A regular collaborator with Ashens, so much so they had a joint channel for a few years in Barshens, Barry is best known for his cooking videos and for having no idea that US and UK electricals run at different voltages. Harsh I know but still a bit funny. Anyhow there's plenty I've ended up cooking based on inspiration from Barry's videos, plus his giant chocolate bars always leave me starving. He's featured in Sainsbury's ads, been on This Morning, and is terrible at Screwball Scramble.
As I said at the start there is more than 5 here, but sod it, it's fantasy casting. Have you got your own choice of cast you'd like to see on the show? Leave a comment below or tweet us at @maze_blog
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